No offense to Dr. Mike when I say mid-life crisis because in the brief interaction that I have had with him, he seems like a live-life kinda guy, but I use ‘mid-life crisis’ because it is the point of comparison for this post.

I actually learn a lot about life from doctors – referring to my post on ‘So I met this endocrinologist’ https://brandinternal.com/2017/10/31/so-i-met-this-the-endocrinologist/. I was doing my bi-annual self reflection – the one that you don’t schedule but it just creeps up on you – about life and if I am happy with who and where I am, basically just contemplating my life’s choices. And as I was coming out of my slump I met with a doctor who unbeknownst to him helped me answer the ‘am I happy with who and where I am’ question.

The long and short of it is, No! I am not entirely happy with who and where I am because if I was, I would not be asking myself this question. I had plans for my life. I wanted to have a high-flying career and define myself according to the conventional posits of what a successful person is , i.e. fancy house, fancy car, flashy life and the confidence to accompany all of this. Then, I wanted to be a psychologist – a healer. Oh, and I also wanted to be in a band. Alas, while none of this happened, life did. And while I am pretty happy with where my life is, am I happy with who I am? I reflect on myself, measuring against the things I wanted but never achieved. As we go through this process of life, we change. Change from who we were and hoped to be, to who we actually are now. And when we stop and reflect, going through these existential break-points and asking ourselves these difficult questions, you are pretty much at a life-crisis; quarter, mid, mid-mid, post-mid (we are living longer lives and so have to endure more crises) life crisis.

But are these crises a negative point of comparison or a positive point of self reflection? An opportunity to reflect and reset. As we journey through life we get caught up in societal pressures and social comparisons, walking paths we never thought we would and in so doing lose track of who we once were and what we once wanted out of life. But why can’t we still be these people, the people we wanted to be, living the lives we thought we would live. Why can’t we choose new careers, and why can’t we join a band in our 40’s? Who is stopping us from being who we want to be – society or ourselves? Who should we be defining ourselves according to – social norms and standards or the individuals WE WANT to be?

This past week I wondered if I am happy with who I am? Have I lived the life I wanted to, doing the things I wanted to and experiencing this life the way I wanted to? Or was I living the life I thought other’s thought I should live and being too afraid to be who I wanted to be because of what others would think. As I ran into Dr. Mike, an orthopedic surgeon, leaving the hospital, he jumped on a motorcycle and left. And as I drove home all I thought about was this doctor, not fitting the generic coding of a doctor (while I am most certain Dr. Mike is not the only doctor that drives a motorcycle, how many doctors do you know that do?). He threw me for a loop because I did not know any doctors that rode a motorcycle (I did know a pediatric nurse though). Similarly, my son’s fully tatted class teacher, who also happens to be the head of year, re-defining our idea of what a teacher should look like, i.e. someone whose arms are not fully covered in tattoos or that sports a nose ring and rocks Doc Martins and a dress (a look I really wish I could pull off). They answered my question of whether I am happy with who I have become. The answer being, if I am not, what is stopping me from becoming that person? From living the life I want? From walking away from the things that no longer make me happy?

The thing that I learnt from Dr. Mike is that you do not have to live a life that does not make you happy. We no longer exist in a time where people live cookie cutter definitions of how we should live and how we should be. We have freedom of individuality that it is being embraced more and more by others. And even if your individuality is not approved by all, your experience of this life should be yours alone – to live how you want and to be who you want to be. And if that means dressing with shorts and two different coloured socks with sandals because that is what defines you, then so be it. While I have concluded this in a few of my other posts, you can be who you want to at any point in your life; you can change at any time to live and experience this life the way you want and the only approval you need, is yours. Oh, and don’t give ‘life-crises’ such a bad rep. Use them as a internal compass, as a way that your soul is asking you to reflect on the life you are living and to evaluate who you are living this life for. And, ensure that the life you live is so fulfilling that your parting words are shouted confidently; Veni, Vidi, Vici.