“Hi! My name is Prin and I suffer from Chronic Lateness!” There, I’ve said it openly. But actually, this does not change much for me because I have already admitted it to myself. And while I have been wanting to write this post for over a year now – not an attempt at procrastination (which is very different from lateness), I have been putting it off in order to spend more time researching chronic lateness and how to get over it (why I have it in the first place and why it is so hard to quit). In my research I discovered that there are others out there like me. Not others who are trying to break a bad habit but others who actually share this trait. There are so many of us that we would actually be able to create a global support group … but then again we’d probably never start on time.

Ironically when I tried to break my habitual lateness, I actually found myself being more late because I was actively trying. It was then that I realised that lateness was a chronic problem that was kinda ingrained in me, a part of my DNA, and that is why it was not that easy to change. This prompted the question, “If you do want to change, how then do you Break a Bad Habit?”

There are tons of research and just as many suggestions on how to kick a habit. Summarised, you have to pull a Nike and Just Do It! But it goes way deeper than just making the change, because if it was so easy everybody would be perfect right?! For example, in my case of chronic lateness or Timebender Syndrom as I like to now refer to it after listening to Grace Pacie’s TED Talk, it is more than simply ‘Just being Late’. And anyway Timebender sounds so much cooler, makes it feel like we are elite bunch of mystifying miracle workers (referencing the scene from Mary Poppins where she cleans the children’s room while singing A Spoon Full of Sugar). Gracie’s talk felt like it was directed at me, everything was just affirmed. You can have a watch on You Tube –

Inside the Mind of a Timebender – Why I’m Always Late | Grace Pacie | TEDxBedford – YouTube

I used to always live in my head when I was younger and I suppose that’s why time always moved differently for me but once I got married and had kids I was responsible for more than myself and this took time. I was responsible for my family, for my children (including my husband on most days) and for my house. My head was now a constant running checklist with the clock as my supervisor. And everyday I would think that my supervisor and I are on friendly terms until he goes off like a ticking timebomb making me aware of how little time I have before I have to leave the house. Then panic sets in, followed by frustration at my tardiness. In our daily routine we were not late for school but we were not early and this is what I had a problem with, that we could not be early even if I tried. And this for me is the same as being late. No matter having woken up earlier, we would leave the house at the same normal time.

Now I want to stress that I am not always late, if need be I will be on time, but this comes with a lot of rushing. On a recent flight that left Dubai late and landed in South Africa earlier than scheduled, my husband joked that, “Only my wife can leave late and arrive early”. And this is the truth, because by some miracle I do arrive on time or am roughly 5 minutes late. This is part of the reason that I chance leaving the house on the dot instead of early to manage any possible obstacles. My self-frustration comes in, in not being able to leave home early because the minute I know that I am early, I will find something to do that will cause me to end up leaving late. And this is an actual characteristic of a Timebender, we do not like to waste time and arriving somewhere early means wasting time.

In my head, I always plan out how long things will take to complete and in the plan I am always on time but in reality not so much. Then more dots were connected when I discovered that I was an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), which you can read more about in the post The Highly Sensitive Person: Emotional Burnout and why you should take care of your Emotional and Mental Hygiene. – Brand Internal

I’m an HSP also sounds like a cool superpower but it’s actually just another term to describe my sensitive nature and explain further why I am constantly processing information and caught up in my thoughts. As an HSP I operate on emotions or feelings and a lot of times I will put off doing things that I need to because I don’t feel like doing it. Everyday things like getting out of bed or even brushing your teeth can run on feelings, I can’t just jump out of bed ready to shower and start my day. There is a lot of thought or feels that gets in the mix. And yes, I should operate on time rather than feelings because let’s face it, it is not fair to the other people in your life that like to be early or at least on time. And more importantly, I don’t want to instill tardiness in my children and nor is it how I want to be remembered because I really am an awesome person 😜.

I must say that I have made efforts (and it takes effort) to change. Similarly to lateness, individuals may have negative personality traits that they would like to change. Perhaps you would like to manage your anger better or try to be more patient. Making these changes are not easy because it has become a part of who you are. But if you no longer like that person, then you most certainly can change. So then, just how do you Break a Bad Habit?

1. Accept that you have a problem – it doesn’t help for others to tell you because you will deny it or make up excuses. You yourself need to admit it.
2. You have to make up your mind to change.
3. Acknowledge that this is who you are but no longer who you want to be – Not how you want to be remembered.
4. Know that it will take time. You may have heard that it takes 21 days to break a habit, in all truthfulness it may take a lot longer because you can easily relapse.
5. Be kind to yourself, it took a long time (probably years) to acquire the habit, you are not going to break it overnight.
6. Envision the person you want to be and how you want to change. Forsee how your life would change if you became that person you want to be.
7. Write down or verbally affirm how you plan to change.
8. Slowly start to make those changes – do not attempt to do it all at once – small steps to big changes.
9. Validate the changes you make – be proud of the person you are becoming and acknowledge your accomplishments.
10. Consistency is Key – Becoming who we want to be takes work so do not give in at every deterrence, be consistent in not giving up. Not every day is a great day but tomorrow brings another opportunity to try again.